elrhiarhodan

Title: The Game of Life - Anarchy Edition (Paladin 'Verse)
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Peter Burke, Elizabeth Burke, Neal Caffrey, Mozzie, OMC (Michael Burke, Peter's father), Peter/Elizabeth/Neal
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Mention of recreational drug use, really bad nicknames
Word Count: ~ 2000
Beta Credit: theatregirl7299 and jrosemary
Summary: Peter and his dad talk every Sunday, mostly about nothing, but sometimes things get a little out of hand. After all, this is Michael Burke, who we first met in Thanksgiving at the Burkes, his alpaca-raising, pot-smoking father.

Author’s Note: Written for the “Parents” square on my Love Bingo card.

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( At precisely eight o’clock, Sunday evening, the phone didn’t ring. Of course not, because Peter was waiting for a call scheduled for eight o’clock that never seemed to happen at that time. Sometimes the call came at 7:42, sometimes at 8:36. Or sometimes, on Monday, a little after nine. )

Title: A Refugee from a Clown College
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Peter Burke, Neal Caffrey (Peter/Neal)
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: None
Word Count: ~500
Summary: This is what happens when you get dressed in a dark closet.

Written one night (after a few too many glasses of wine, maybe) in response to a Bonus Bomer I posted in one of my rambles (see photo at the end). Sadly, this is a combination that Matt really seems to like these days. Also, for the Nausea Square on my H/C Bingo Card
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( Peter blinked and froze, coffee halfway to his lips. Diana stopped in her tracks and the newest probie walked into her and cringed - waiting to be annihilated on the spot. Clinton gagged and it wasn't because the milk had gone sour. )

Sometimes, des pierres géantes de forme pénienne flottantes just happen.

( The Bennett Family Legacy Makes a Brief Appearance )

Title: Out to Pasture
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: R (or possibly NC-17)
Characters/Pairings: Peter/Neal, Elizabeth Burke, Mozzie Havisham, Diana Berrigan, Reese Hughes
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Alternative Universe (which is, in this case, a warning)
Word Count: ~3500
Beta Credit: coffeethyme4me and jrosemary
Summary: Elizabeth decides that it’s time for Peter and Neal to retire. This is not going to be what you expect.

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( Elizabeth pulled up to the gates of the Havisham Apple Farm. She sat in her truck, letting it idle. It wasn’t too late to turn back; to just drive on, the boys would understand. Hell, they'd never really know. )

Title: Thanksgiving at the Burkes
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Peter Burke, Elizabeth Burke, Neal Caffrey (Peter/Elizabeth/Neal), Satchmo, OCs: Peter’s parents, reference to Peter's twin sister, Isabelle (as mentioned in Privilege). Plus a trio of alpacas – Lola, Blondie and Bruno.
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Ugly sweaters. Pie. Alpacas. Appalling nicknames.
Word Count: ~6200
Beta Credit: rabidchild67
Summary: Peter’s folks invite Neal to spend Thanksgiving with them. Peter’s not exactly sure introducing Neal to them will be a good thing.

A/N: This is, officially, the oldest WIP I have ever finished. I started writing it sometime in April, 2010, added several thousand words in the late fall of 2011, before abandoning again. If not for my lovely friend doctor_fangeek, it may well have been another year before this was finished. This one’s for you, doctor_fangeek!

Consider this part of the Paladin ‘verse, and note that Michael and Margaret Burke bear little resemblance to Peter's parents from The Wonder(ful) Years 'verse, although I love them almost as much.

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(  Peter was very hesitant about bringing Neal to Thanksgiving with his parents. Not that he thought they’d figure out that he and Elizabeth were in an emotional and sexual relationship with Neal. No – what Peter was worried about was what Neal would get up to with his folks, his father in particular. )

Title: Dripping With Evilness
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Mozzie, June Ellington
Prompt #070 – Roll
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: None
Word Count: 300 – Exactly
Summary: Mozzie meets his downfall. Written for the WC100 Anniversary Challenge.

A/N: No beta, all mistakes are mine and mine alone.

__________________

(  Moz knew this wasn’t a good idea, but June asked so little of him and she gave so much. )

Title: Cheekbone City
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Peter Burke, Elizabeth Burke, Neal Caffrey (P/E/N), June Ellington, Cindy the Granddaughter
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Full Highland Formal Dress, The Dior New Look
Word Count: ~1500
Summary: Peter and Neal make a bet and they both rise to the occasion. Consider this part of my Vinegar Hill Continuum, definitely post-anklet.

(  Elizabeth was deep in the closet – no, not that closet – the one in the guest room, rooting around for … damn, his brain shied away from the whole idea.  )

Title: The World In Us
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Neal Caffrey, Mozzie, Peter Burke,
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Reference to drug culture, hypothetical drug use (hence PG-13, not G rating). Still more slightly angsty crack. Still of the kitten!fic variety. With added ‘nip.
Word Count: ~2000
Summary: Continues the story from Here Comes That Sinking Feeling. Neal is at the Burke house, watching Peter. He’s bored out of his mind.

A/N: No beta this time - all mistakes are mine and mine alone. Title from a quotation by Anais Nin: “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” Many thanks to rabidchild67 for her advice about cats on the 'nip.

(  “So, where’s the Cat Suit?” Moz shook a small baggie and looked around the kitchen and living room.  )

Title: How To Ruin a Perfectly Good Christmas Party
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Elizabeth Burke (POV), Neal Caffrey, Peter Burke, others
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: A rare act of gun violence. Crack.
Word Count: ~1000
Summary: There are some things that Neal Caffrey can not, will not tolerate. I don’t blame him one bit.

(  Elizabeth looked out over the people in her living room and let out a small sigh of satisfaction. )

Title: Not Quite Cappuccino in the Clouds
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Neal Caffrey, Moz; reference to Peter and Elizabeth Burke (P/E/N)
Spoilers: Oh, certainly not.
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Death and consumption of a small urban animal. Part of the Transformation Series. Crack. Mild horror. Wha? Tentacles. Wings. Humor. You’ve been warned.
Word Count: ~600
Summary: Neal and Moz decide what do on such a pleasant Sunday afternoon.

(  A pigeon landed with a flutter of wings, started cooing, and Neal glanced up in annoyance. )

Title: Mediation
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Elizabeth Burke, Peter Burke, Neal Caffrey (P/E/N)
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: An argument for the DC’verse fandom?
Word Count: ~300
Summary: Elizabeth hates when her boys argue.

(  “I want the two of you to stop fighting, NOW.”  )

Title: I Have Missed Your Sighs
Author:  elrhiarhodan
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing:Peter Burke, Elizabeth Burke, Neal Caffrey, Mozzie. Peter/Neal/Elizabeth
Fandom:  White Collar
Spoilers: 3.04 - Dentist of Detroit, 3.07 - Taking Account, 3.10 - Countdown 
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Slightly angsty crack. Or is that slightly cracky angst?
Word Count: ~3800
Summary: Future fic, but not the Vinegar Hill continuum. Moz and Neal have had a falling out, and Peter wants to heal the breach. Something goes very, very wrong. For my Hurt/Comfort Bingo Card - Abandonment Issues.

Beta credit: The superiorly awesome rabidchild67.

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( Hunting down a professional paranoid was never a good idea. )

I’ve never prefaced a fic with an explanation before, but this one – it really needs it. Saturday morning, a friend sent me an email that she was recovering from a bitching attack of the cramps. It’s been a while since I’ve had those, but I do remember the feeling. And I was a little inspired.

So I took a little break from all the angst and wrote this. It is dedicated to all my friends, here and in RL who have problems like Elizabeth Burke does.

---

Title: Lunchtime in the Oversharers Universe
Author: elrhiarhodan
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairing: The Harvard Crew, Plus Neal. Peter Burke, Neal Caffrey, Clinton Jones, Diana Berrigan, Neal/Clinton, Neal/Peter, Diana/Elizabeth, Peter/Elizabeth, quite possibly Neal/Peter/Clinton/Diana/Elizabeth
Fandom: White Collar
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Insane Crack. Crackity crack. Discussion of PMS and possible solutions for The Cramps. Nipples. Abuse of fine EVOO. Marital discord. Breathing. Annoying Behaviour. Basically … crack.
Word Count: ~1200
Summary: You know that foursome at the table next to you in the restaurant you like to escape to for a nice quiet lunch? You both hate them and envy them. They talk too loud about their sexual problems or conquests? Well, these four are those people. You don’t know whether to yell at them to shut the fuck up or to talk louder so you can hear everything.


______________________

( Peter, Neal, Clinton and Diana were having lunch at their favorite burger joint. Normally, the four of them refrained from alcohol during lunch, but Peter was hitting the beer kind of hard. )

Title: Your Sand Castle Virtues Are All Swept Away
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Peter Burke, Neal Caffrey, Peter/Neal
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Crack AND Angst. Only in Underpants’verse can the two co-exist so peacefully.
Word Count: ~1500
Summary: It’s Underpants’verse! Peter’s still at it, but this time, Neal doesn’t need webcams to figure out who the thief is.

(  It takes Neal about six months to figure out who is stealing and returning his dirty underpants. And he’s annoyed at himself that it took that long. )

Title: Down in the Willow Garden
Author:  elrhiarhodan
Rating: NC-17 
Characters/Pairing: Peter/Neal/Elizabeth, Peter Burke, Neal Caffrey, Elizabeth Burke, Satchmo
Fandom:  White Collar
Spoilers: None 
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Caning, Crack, Mild Horror
Word Count: ~1000
Summary: Set after Point Blank, Neal and the Burkes have a little problem with what Satchmo found in their back yard. They deal with it.

A/N: Story inspired by a tweet from Jeff Eastin (see end of story for screen cap). Also prompted by monkeyonthelam’s prompt “Patio” for Promptfest VI (which is still going strong). And a very gratuitous fill for my Kink Bingo square, Caning.

The title is from a traditional Appalachian bluegrass murder song and should not be confused the W.B. Yeats poem, Down by the Salley Gardens.

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( “Hey hon - can you come downstairs?” El went to the third floor where her husband was playing with Neal.  )

Title: Smooth Criminal
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Neal Caffrey, Peter Burke, Peter/Neal
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Crack, and some smut. And wank!fic.
Word Count: ~ 1200
Summary: The criminal is not who you'd think it is.

Originally written for hoosierbitch’s Wankfest 2011, and inspired by rabidchild67, who has a thing for the word “underpants.” It was her comment about "underpants" being the funniest word in the English language that inspired the first of my MMOM fics this year, Guilty Stains, and this continues that story, from Neal’s very puzzled POV, in sentence’fest format.

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(  Neal didn’t quite understand how he kept losing his underpants … )

Title: There’s a Reason Why Envy is a Sin
For: MMOM - Thirty (One) Dirty Words - Prompt 029 - Lick
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Satchmo J. Burke, Champion Ball Licker.
Spoilers/Episode References: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Crack
Word Count: 300 Exactly
Summary: Why does a dog lick his balls? See below for the answer.

And for my dearest friend, rabidchild67. She knows why.

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( “You’re so bendy, you could probably do it without hurting yourself.”  )

You all remember Madlibs, right? That crazy party game where you randomly substitute words and create a (hopefully) crazy story. Well, we of the Winter 2011 Big Chicago Meetup took scenes from White Collar, using the transcripts provided by afiawri, and madlibbed them with insanely funny results (and I cracked up so hard, I hurt myself).

ETA: Many thanks to coffeethyme4me for the idea! She has an awesomely kinky and literate mind.

My madlib was the final scene between Peter and Neal - at the hanger, in Out of the Box.

( What follows below uses plenty of dirty words. The faint of heart and canon purists may be appalled. )

Title: Wings of Desire
Author: elrhiarhodan 
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Peter Burke/Elizabeth/Neal Caffrey, Mozzie
Spoilers: None - Completely A/U. 
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: CRACK, Romance, Oral Sex, Masturbation, Beanies, Alien Abduction. 
Word Count: ~8500
Summary: Academic A/U - Peter’s a lonely Mathmatics Post Doc, burned out and fed up with academia. Neal and Elizabeth are glamorous, charming Post Docs in Physics. It’s Halloween, it’s windy, and Neal and Elizabeth and Peter are on a crash course with destiny.

( It was Halloween and the winds that were whipping through the Quad were approaching gale force; no one's headgear was safe. )

Title: Profiled: A White Collar/Criminal Minds Crossover
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Peter Burke, Neal Caffrey, Elizabeth Burke, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner (Peter/Elizabeth/Neal, past Peter/Hotch)
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: None
Word Count: ~4800
Beta Credit: photoash
Summary: Neal finds out Peter had him profiled. Much crack ensues

A/N: Revised June 6, 2013

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(  Neal was more than ready to go back to New York. )